- ??? -
i know i haven't moved you in such a long time
everything's been crumbling down on all sides
pity me, look at me, give me what you worked for
everyone
look at me
look at me

i know you all have lives to tend to
i know you all have dreams to sell
i just need to fill my lungs
i just have to pretend
this way
you'll have to look at me
look at me
look at me

...

just something that was running though my head just now while thinking about someone.

i think it's pretty sick that sometimes people can get just so caught up in themselves, that they can completely abandon all their common sense all at once.

- ??? -

when i found you, you were barely breathing
took you in, and gave you almost all my everything
underneath the eyes we flood our minds
drilling holes in our spines, our souls are paralyzed
kill our memories as we crawl around the line

she must have gotten into you
a host for all her venomous crimes
tying strings around your limbs
her little puppet dancing to every wimb
why is it everything you touch eventually dies

i think i know why
i think i know why

- just a few words that were running through my head.

the power of the pussy, man i tells ya! makes you do some real fucked up shit. i don't think i'll ever understand what happened with losing one of my closest friends to this ... girl. you know how shit like this happens and people wish the worst on their enemies? well, for the longest time i was the exact opposite. i tried to be the decent person in my head and just say, "well, he'd better be fucking happy. after everything that was sacraficed, i hope he's lovin it up." and i was cool with that.

until now.

i hope he thinks about the fact that one of the major reasons him and i connected as friends was because of an experience revolving around the relationships to our respective fathers. that we both fell apart at the idea of them ever leaving us. granted, we were drunk, but those are real emotions brought up by a very real topic. and now my father's gone. after not hearing from the friend for about a year now ... he rears his head and says he's coming to pay his respects. and he doesn't show. he had both of my numbers and two days to call. he didn't. it would have been one thing to just offer your condolences and continue to be a piece of shit. but to go so far as to say you really want to come out and pay your respects, that at least shows a sliver of good character, right? so then we have the nothing that came from it. i don't know why i expected  it to be any different. i guess i just wanted to have faith that maybe we could work things out.

man, this whole thing all sounds so home-owner if ya know what i mean.

it's amazing how people you got through so much with can turn their backs on your for a crumby piece of the old hair pie.

* cough *

so it's been almost a year. so where am i coming from? well, to get right into it ... my dad passed away in his sleep a week ago yesterday. my life has changed drastically in the past 7 days. not only because he's gone. but for all of the events that have surfaced in spite of his passing. the will. what was left to my sister and i. to make a long story short. nancy and i, we're taken care of.

but i'm in my 4th semester at school - i am now attending Katharine Gibbs in Melville and doing mighty with a 3.88 cumulative GPA and studying Video Game and Web Design. i'm really enjoying it, and love the fact that for once in my schooling career, i'm at the top of my class. it's a good feeling.

nancy and i will be together for 2 1/2 years this november 21st. we live together now in a 3 bedroom apartment in Sound Beach, New York. we rescued (adopted) "the" sweetest cat in all the world, her name is Moo Moo. words couldn't do justice for the love i have for this part of my life. nancy, moo moo, this place, my family, my dear close friends, and so many things to look forward to.

i've been writing a lot again. obviously there is more then enough going around to fuel the inspiration fire these days. i really miss my dad. i want to hear his voice. i want him to be there physically for so many more things in my life. friends move away, get married, have kids, lose touch ... your dad is the guy you picture hanging out with later in life, that person that can really laugh along with you at what kind of a person you turned out to be. that one other person in your life that really knows the pride of you having children one day. the cycle continues, the name goes on, more adventures to be had and mysteries to solve. and he's not here.

it's good to write about him. the only way a man truly lives on is if you tell his stories and speak of the memories. it's the only way someone truly becomes immortal in this life.

hey guys

yeah, i'm still alive.

very much so actually.

i got my intestinal surgery done last week.

i'm about to start a whole new life.

cheers.

On the other end of the spectrum from my last entry...

Some things I really do love about my life.

First and foremost, I love my girlfriend, Nancy. She is my saving grace at the end of everyday.

I love the fact that I can be really mature about certain things, and then quickly regress back to my childhood to appreciate things such as: Cartoon shows and films, Videogames Videogames Videogames (I really do enjoy the time that I can get lost in these other digital worlds. I"ve been playing Elder Scrolls Oblivion on my XBOX 360, and when I see the amount of hours I've spent creating these characters ... first I think to myself, Wow, I need to get a life or do something more constructive. After that, I think about how much fun I'd had while wasting those hours. And I decide that it's all worth it. Life isn't all about working toward things, you can stop and take some hours for yourself and just have a good time in something you enjoy.)

I love my band. As much as I'd like it to be something more than what it is, I do enjoy that at least to some degree I get to strut my writing talents and such. It's frustrating at times, and discouragement comes real easy. Though, we keep doing it when we can, jamming on new material, and just try to entertain a little bit, maybe even connect with someone in the process.

I love the fact that despite the hand that I'd been dealt, I retain a certain level of dignity, pride, and hope for a future that is far better than today. When you're sick like I am, it's very easy to give up on everything, just to say "Fuck it!" and go hide somewhere. But, I go out, I organize, I care, I move in a forward direction regaurdless of how much time it might take me to get there, I use my talents everyday I'm alive whether it be through drawing, writing, singing, or just creating scenarios to keep my life and the ones around me interesting at best.

So what do you love about your life?

No. 6

i float on thoughts of rescue
it's going to close
they're going to close
but they don't
they open themselves up to you all over again
we don't have to start from the beginning
but even one step back at this point seems light years away
from where i want to be

i have eyes to carry me
i have ears to put some of these sighs away
keep my faith grounded in a bright direction
once you start believing their lies
it's so hard to not want to write the ending yourself
and soon

- written by me of course

i'm tired of waking up in blood, shit, and bile. over the past weekend i power washed the house for my mother and stepfather. it took me 3 days because i don't have a lot of energy and that shit is just tiring. so for 3 days i swayed back and forth with the water pressure blasting from my hands, not knowing how much i was going to pay for this. i thought i was doing something nice, i thought i was lending a hand to the house suties since i live here free of cost.

i ended up fucking myself by creating such friction from the constant motion that the top portion of my wound ballooned up and everything got all fucky. i could barely walk for two days. the welt on my stomach was nothing short of unbearable. the skin stretches so much that it wants to break, but it won't, and eny kind of movement makes you feel like someone is just trying to tear the flesh right off of you. pangs shoot up and you can't talk, you just bite your lip and slam your fist on a table in the diner and wait for it to go away.

nancy, of course, does everything she can to help and comfort me. i love her more than i could ever hope to describe. but life only brings a certain tyoe of magic, and unfortunately ... curing a chronic disease such as this that kills isn't one of them. it brings on a tremendous feeling of helplessness. this is something i kind of have to conquer on my own.

i was supposed to help my father move tomorrow. no go. i ws supposed to go out to Fort Dix to see Chris is jail for his birthday. no good on that either. this bullshit is altering my life in ways that i don't care for. i'm really sick and tired of getting my hopes up, believing that i'm on the right track, only to wind up in pain and have everything move several steps backward. i'm sick of being afraid to sneeze or cough because it makes the stomach muscles contract, and i don't want to tear anything.

it's going to be 3 years this February that this shit will have been leaking and open. i've had bandages on myself since christmas of what will be 3 years ago. i'm a little bored of this shit. i'm tired of being the sick boy. i want to get my life in order. i want to move in with my girlfriend. i want to be able to enjoy certain foods.

last night i hobbled my way to madison square garden theater (thank god that place was right in Penn Station) to experience Radiohead for the first time. Nancy and I were treated to a most amazing performance. Chris had been right all along, it's just as peaceful and amazing as a Tool show.

1. You and Whose Army
2. National Anthem
3. 2+2=5
4. 15 Step
5.
Morning Bell
6. Arpeggi
7. Videotape
8. Kid A
9. Fake Plastic
Trees
10. Climbing up the Walls
11. Nude
12. Bangers 'n Mash
13.
Idioteque
14. There There
15. Street Spirit
16. Bodysnatchers
17.
Lucky

Encore 1:
18. I Might Be Wrong
19. Down is the New Up
20.
The Bends
21. Everything in it's Right Place (silent night intro by
Thom)

Encore 2:
22. House of Cards
23. How to Disappear Completely

Couldn't ask for better than that. We had amazing seats, the whole show was simply gorgeous and relaxing. We were also treated to a most amazing performance by The Black Keys ... i strongly recommend thier album Rubber Factory!

Thank God I have my friends, my family, my love, and my dreams.



EVERYONE IS INVITED!!!!!

be there, or get bent.

seriously, it's gonna be kick ass!

whatever plans you've got, cancel them.

we'll see you there!

and the winner is ...

"Jaime" the boy/girl shit dancer from - So You Think You Can Dance -


"i am a gender chameleon."

it's gonna be so awesome when i can find a clip of this online, and share it with you all.

oh, my day would not have been complete without this little comedic gem.

i am british. everything i say sounds witty.

congradulations to the silver haired boy!
i knew a guy with the same affliction in middle school.
he would have loved to sell Coke and Cars for his soul as well i'd bet.
but he probably would have done it playing hockey.

i would ...
i would ...
wish this all away ...
the time has come to buckle down the hatches and make for the high seas of responsibility and future planning stuff. i am fortunate enough to have someone totally amazing in my life that i feel like sharing it with. so, within the coming weeks - i'm going to be looking for work (if i can, i still need to call medicaid and stuff) we're going to be continuing gathering information about how much it would be to realistcally move, and where we should move to. just so it doesn't come as a big shock. we might be moving out of state. the point is, i'm more than ready to move out and be on my/our own, i just need to have the means and build up what i need, ya know?

personally, i'm rooting for out of state territory. there are some things here that i would really miss. but there are so many more things i could stand to be a bit further from.

like these tanned long island orange skinned throat + finger fuckers?! now granted, nasty hooches are everywhere. but this island holds one of the rarest of breed ya see. these princesses with their year round too much oatmeal stout beer last night shit colored skin, those finger nails that look like Lee Neon Press on Freddy Kruger nails that they TAP TAP TAP whenever they are waiting for their change in 7/11! The way they pull on their crimped gel crusted pigs tails strands of what they dare to call hair, held back making their shiny foreheads seem about 3 stories too tall - the foundation for this monstrosity same wanna-be gang color headband. BEING HARDCORE DOES NOT INCLUDE BEING STUCK IN THE 80'S BITCH! TAKE IT OFF!

"yeah, fuckin a right! so's i tell this guy, eh? yeah, so i tells this guy i says." quick! who am i? "i says, you think you can fuckin jerk me like this guy?" have you got it yet? "i tell him to put that car back on the fuckin lift and take a betta look, or i'll break his fuckin face, ya know?" every car mechanic, and his stories. "this is what i tell the bastid. fuckin a right." i could do without them as well.

the band is coming back together! we've got some new/revamped material coming everyones way real soon. be looking to attend more shows and party with us in late June!

( Click here for more vacation craziness!!! )

How you enjoyed the picture show, cause there's actually going to be quite a bit more in the following days.

The trip was absolutely fantastic. There were some bumps in the road along the way ... but the fact remains that when it was just Nancy and I together ... we had the time of our lives. This trip had done a lot of good for as it taught me quite a bit about Nancy and I. I love her, and I don't just mean I love her and we're happy ... I mean, that sometimes couples go away together and things come out. The situation of being in a foreign place sometimes brings out hostilities in people and they end up making a crappy time for themselves. Not us, the one thing that proved true throughtout the whole trip for me ... is that I could be anywhere with this woman, and we just make a great time for ourselves.

Palm Springs is NOT all it's hyped up to be! Trust me when I tell you, that you'd almost be better off going anywhere else. And if you have to go there NEVER EVER a. go with friends. b. stay at the Desert Palms Spa Hotel = this place equals some pretty fowl shit.

As far as Coachella goes ... the thing about it that's totally awesome is that ... it is so huge, and so easily to get lost, that the broken group ends up having so many different experiences and everyone has their own personal story to tell according to who they watched that day and where they were. This part of the festival is fantastic, as well as the back drop for it - once the sun sets that is, the place is brutal during the daytime - I loved just walking around with Nancy and not having to be concerned with meeting up with people. Once we had figured this out, things had gone much smoother. However, don't be fooled! Coachella is just like any other aggravating to navigate festival, only really really fucking hot, and much farther away. We both had such a great time taking in the sounds of Tool, Digable Planets, Daft Punk, Massive Attack, Madonna (sucked) Matiyahu, Wolfe Parade, Ladytron, Depeche Mode, Damien Marley, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Sigur Ros, My Morning Jacket, TV on the Radio, Colette, Eagles of Death Metal, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, The Magic Numbers, Coldcut, and Coheed and Cambria - at least that's what I remember seeing. I'm sure there was more that we'd passed.

Unless the lineup was absolutely INSANE and we made the trip entirely ourselves, I don't really know if I would go back. Though, the more I think about it, I would, but only if I was phoneless (yes, I lost my cell phone the second night and have not yet been able to retrive it) and the only person I had to worry about and enjoy it with would be my partner in crime ... Nancy. No offense to anyone who might want to meet up there in the future ... but you'd have to be pretty fucking special for me to make the plans to meet at the Tela Coil before whatever. and BRING WALKIE TALKIES NEXT TIME!!!!!

Los Angeles ... what can I say? We want to move there. I want to pick up everything I have, and just go! I'd never been anywhere, except for maybe parts of Pennsylvania where I just felt so calm, and in my place. The rush of the city didn't phase me, the bright lights and stars didn't shock me that much, like it was almost comfortable and familiar, and the pacing of the day in Hollywood is just insane! I"ve got more pictures coming soon, more fun times were had ... perhaps I will go into more details about where we were and what we had done ... for now, this will do.

i'm going to be updating my journal with a big post about the last month or so
i'll be doing this when my comp decides to stop being a dick
you have been warned

Oh Jon Lovitz, must you really be lowered to paying your bills with Subway money?

So what could be better than Long Island?
Getting the fuck off of Long Island!

As a gift to eachother for our most special ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!
We're on our way to California!
The limo should be here any minute.
Hitting up the Coachella Festival and Hollywood for a week!
See you clowns on the flip side!

I know hate is a strong word. Sometimes, I really hate my step father. Anyone who knows him, knows how much of a asshole he is. He's just an unpleasant person all around, with little reason for being so. He's got it fuckin made around here. I'm not going to list the reasons why, just take my word for it. Just now, I'm trying to sit down and get some use out of my Ibanez guitar, i hook the thing up, turn the volume WAY down, and two notes into my excercises, he pokes his fucking head out of his room ... "I'm trying to sleep!" and slams the door shortly after. Well EXCUSE ME, Lord of the Nap! This fuck is always sleeping! It seems like everytime I want to do something that requires me to make the least bit of noise, this asshat is asleep somewhere and is disturbed by my doing whatever. Fuck you guy!

I can't wait until Nancy and I move out, which, as it turns out ... might be happening within the next couple of months. By that I mean, some time this current year. My father is going to be moving from his apartment, and will be buying a house. Upon buying said house, he is going to make sure, and yes we will be going with him to look, that there is a kick ass apartment attached to it. nancy and I will get a great starter place to move onto the next phase of our already insanely great relationship! Also, I'll be around to take care of my father, keep him in line, watch after him. After him having the stroke, I worry about him all the time, and his constant lack of continued care for his well being. So it's a win/win situation. My only concerns would be that he would take advantage of having me so close by. But we'll cross that road if and when we come to it. Plus, he's my father. He's taken care of me for so many years, far be it from me to be there when he needs me most, right? Right.

So April is insane,
I have Spring Break this coming week, which is nice.
I have many doctor's appointments, which isn't a bad thing, I would like some more information about what the fuck is going on with my chest. I am continuing on my lack of smoking venture. It's been two weeks, and I've only taken one puff of a bowl twice, and did not enjoy myself either time. I think that I am slowly working my way toward quiting both mentally and physically. I'm proud of myself none the less. I"ve showed some true resistance in stressful times to one of my major vices. Good for me.

The 17th - "Vicarious" the first Tool single off the new album is being released to the radio stations. So, though that is NOT the format I want to hear it in, I will most certainly seek it out.

The 21st is my crazy 1 Year Anniversary with Nancy :) What an excellent feeling. How cool is it to feel like I've actually won for once. That I'm getting the love I deserve from someone who wants to love and understand me. That we know who and what we are to eachother, that there is no hesitation on either end, no ill communication, ridiculous support, and many many other things that I could fill more than this post with. It's fucking great! We'll be going to Gosho (sp?) Japan for dinner to celebrate. I haven't been there in so long, it should prove to be a great time with good food! Also on this date, the much anticipated Silent Hilll opens, which I will get around to seeing at some point that weekend. There are two tenative times in the works, I will figure it out ... I always do.

The 22nd is my band's BIG NIGHT!!! As you may know, unless you've been living under a fucking rock for the past 2 months ... my band Static Poetry will be performing at The Hairy Lemon in Selden New York, at 9:00 p.m. You have to be 21 or over to get in, so make sure you are, or at least bring a fake I.D and try to get in. The admission is $5, and all money goes to the band (us) the money will be used to secure future shows, and pay off equipment for the band, so come down and support us, do your part! Plus, it's a bar, come down and get shitfaced with us!

The 23rd I will be attending Nancy's nephew's Communion ... it will be cool to see the little guy do his thing. Hopefully there will be enough drinks that I can wash away the religious barrage that is sure to come. However, I really do enjoy being around Nancy's family, they are great people ... and they appreciate having me around and really do like me, it's a warm fuzzy feeling.

The 28th we LEAVE FOR CALIFORNIA!!!!
Nancy, John, Andrea, and myself will all be attending the Coachella Festical in Indio California with the likes of: TOOL, Depeche Mode, Madonna, Scissor Sisters, Daft Punk, Massive Attack .. so on and so forth ... it's going to be one fuck of a party! After that, it's off to L.A. and Hollywood California for a few days of drinks, money flittering, and good times. The day we come home is the official release of 10,000 Days the new TOOL album ... hopefully I will have it in my hands before we leave, but if not ... that's when it comes out, and I will listen to it the whole way home!

*phew*

I can barely contain myself. my life rules sometimes. i'm hoping that the momentum of this month carries on for others. I feel a wave of positive things coming ... and I'm ready for the crashing waves!

Tuesday night was quite cool. Traveled out to New Jersey to see Korn with Mudvayne and 10 Years.

10 Years rocked the house, Mudbayne completely sucked. Though, I did manage to score over 200 lines in Tetris DS during thier set, therefore, beating the Marathon mode. I was pleased. Halfway through 10 Years Mish got the call that Jonathan wanted to invite us all backstage to say hello. He really is such a sweet guy. This time around, we got to chill in his dressing room for a couple of minutes while Mish went over some online business with him, and Kmomma FINALLY was able to give him the awesome quilt she has made for the new baby. His whole dressing room was draped in black, purple, and maroon crushed velvet, with an awesome portrait of a fanged man (wink) on the wall. Also note, his videogame setup was sickening, I wish I has THOSE surround sound speakers hooked up to my 360 and such. We found our seats again and got ready for KoRn. THEY BLEW THE FUCKING ROOF OFF AS ALWAYS! Again, anyone eho things this band is old news, or they suck, doesn't know a thing about rockin, packin out the seats, and giving a balls out performance. After the show we stealthed our way through the arena and managed to get backstage again. We met up once more with Jonathan, gave our opinions of the awesome show, got some autographs (he signed my VIP Pass) and we were once again on our way. It was a great time had by all.

Kingdome Hearts II was released yesterday ... and I'm in love.

Here is PROOF that some people are just TOO STUPID TO EXIST!!!

http://creature-corner.com/?type=news&id=1331

in five minutes it will be 11 awesome months with my lovely girlfriend <3
i couldn't be happier! i look around and i see other people falling apart, i see other things too ...
and i'm just happy to be as secure as i am. i'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face, or say that we are better than you, not by any means. it's just that i was treated like shit by so many and for so long, and i've finally found someone who really loves me for me, accepts who i am, doesn't ask me to curtail myself, and makes me feel special each and every time i look over to see her smiling back at me. damn, it's good to be the king of someone's world.

in other news:

my band Static Poetry is blowing up! We've been offered a total of 9 spots playing at a very cool local bar called The Hairy Lemon in Selden. of course we're not taking all 9 dates, cause that would just be ridiculous. however, we HAVE booked our first night, and it is set! April 22nd!!!! that's a Saturday for those of you who don't want to bother looking at a calander. we've got lots of new songs, we're working on a couple of new covers, and will be rockin some of the old tunes as well! this is all very exciting, and EVERYONE, ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE is invited to come down and party with us! i will be killing my MySpace profile with updates in the coming weeks, as well as the official Static Poetry MySpace profile ... just look for us under music profiles. there's going to be some great recordings coming real soon. the best way to get our sound is to show up to the show, however. so fucking be there!

i play guitar now. i'm going for lessons, and am picking things up quite quickly (i think) i bought myself an electric Candy Apple Red Ibanez with a Marshall Amp. i'm workin on it.

i also have been going to the gym every other day for the past 3 weeks. my mom (who is a personal trainer) has me on a pretty well rounded routine and i am steadily gaining weight and not to mention muscle mass. it feels good to be workin out and doing something healthy. also, in the realm of healthy. i've totally hacked my marijuana consumption. i hardly smoke anymore at all. i haven't smoked in about 2 days, i know that's not much, but if you know how much i've smoked in the past, you'd understand. when you're doing things to get yourself healthy you have a habit of knocking out the bad crap.

Coachella is coming up real soon!!! Madonna has been added to the lineup, what the fuck is with that?

so that's pretty much it for now. ADD MY BAND TO YOUR MYSPACE PROFILE!!!!

i will update again when i don't write a lot of shit and than i end up deleting it cause no one gives a flying fuck.

peace y'all

What are your Top Ten favorite bands?
(by the way, feel free to reply on this one with a comment, think of it like a meme that isn't exactly very meme like. by the way, it doesn't have to be in order, this isn't meant to drive you crazy)

1. Tool
2. A Perfect Circle
3. Failure
4. Hum
5. The Mars Volta
6. Bjork
7. Korn
8. Deftones
9. Portishead
10. Pink Floyd

So, the worm turns, and another thing rears it's retarded head. As if there isn't enough goin on, I find out yesterday that I have Osteoperosis. At the age of 25 I already have the bones of an old man. Dammit. I had X-Rays done of my left hand to measure it's bone density, and ta-dah! So now I have to join a gym and work out 3 days a week minimum. This isn't such a terrible thing, I don't particularly mind the idea of having so many machines at my disposal to amp the workout i already do each day. I gained another 3.5 pounds, and 2 more pounds of muscle in my arms and trunk already. I'm continuing on my diet, and hating most of it. I still crave things like sandwichs and French Toast (remember the whole "Freemdom Toast" thing a while back, how fucking dumb.) All of my numbers are up as far as my system is concerned, but now, it really does look like I'm going to have to go in for surgery sometime this year to have work done on that wounded site on my stomach. Shit is just not healing, it's all very disheartening to time and time again think that it's finally going to close, and you just wake up one morning and it's open all over again. I've gotten so used to it, but that doesn't make it any better, this is the type of situation that just shouldn't be. So rack one up for Osteoperosis!

Did you happen to see the newspapers today? Photos, and video footage of our Fucktard President were released oh him having prior knowledge of the Katrina disaster, and not doing anything about it! So now were faced with the situation where it would be pretty hard for anyone to admit that they still believe he's a man of honor and leadership. We live in a time when the majority is too pussy to impeach anyone, cause it's just too much trouble and no one wants to be bothered. But what ho! What a fucking choice we have, El Presidente Coke Snort, or our equally moronic crack shot Vice President, who recently shot his friend in the face with a shotgun while hunting defenseless animals! WOW! Good job all of you people who voted for that idiot! Yeah, you! I know the other guy wasn't so fantastic either, but c'mon! Anyway, rot in hell.

So they've done it. I just saw the commercial, and I have to say. I'm glad this finally came out, finally there is a touche to all of the girls that think that Girls Gone Wild objectifies women. I've never run into one personally, but I know they are out there, lurking, with their opinions and such. So as if the action wasn't hot enough, the good people in smutville have brought you ... Guys Gone Wild!!! http://www.guysgonewild.com/ with such awesome titles such as The Big Easy, Heat Stroke, and Dude, Where's My Pants? Priceless, just fuckin priceless.



This is a picture of me and my Mom. She has such a little peanut head, I love it! My Mom is fantastc, this is a fact.
Actually, I think this is the nicest picture I have of us, and probably the first picture together in several years that didn't take place on a holiday or birthday.

So, there's some happy music news!
It's official! Static Poetry (pssst, that's my kind of band, that is now more of a band, so now maybe i can feel better to actually call it that) Greg, my good friend Jilli Bean's man has joined the ranks! He's more talented than either Scott or myself, heh heh, respectively, but we are very lucky to have him aboard. We've been making it a point to go back to the studio at least every other week if we can, and crank out some of the songs, giving them new life with Greg's talent on the drums.
In our time together, we jammed out this 9 minute track that was pretty damn cool. We're gonna work on it some more this coming Sunday. I sat down with the song that was totally on the fly, and I wrote down the lyrics.

- on it's way -

it cuts it's way through me
and i'm losing fluids
disease spills from my heart
and i'm left repenting
someone has saved you
it's all that they tell me
to excuse the balance
as i walk with my hands against the walls

i'm sick
and i'm tired
with every sun comes another day of this
i'm lost
and i'm dying
with every sun comes new water to wash it all away

she sleeps so contented
and i'm turning questions
release spills from my heart
and i'm left reflecting
someone has saved me
you don't have to tell me
to notice the balance
as i wake with my arms around her bones

i'm healed
and i'm wired
with every moon come another night of this
i was lost
and i was dying
with every sun comes new purpose to send the spiral on it's way

- fin -

Also, tomorrow I am going out in search of a guitar teacher. That's right kids! Steve's gonna strap on his guitar mits once again and try to jog the old memory bones.

I can't stop thinking about the trip Nancy and I are taking in April. I can't stop thinking about how amazing it's going to be to see Tool in the Palm Springs dessert. The album, supposidly, is being dropped on May 2nd. This has not been confirmed, probably just a widespread wishful thinking kind of thing. Though, even if it's not that week, it will surely be the week after. It's going to be fantastic, there is going to be new delicious Tool songs to make the ears happy! More on this as things develope.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww! I thought this comic was so sweet. <3
If it wasn't the case that every time an arcade closes for the night, and they shut down all the machines, and all the HIGH SCORE initials get set back to their defaults, like CAP, MJK, AAA, MAT, KNG, and POT .... this is something I would totally try to pull off. Though I'm sure I will think of something far more creative when the time comes.

So Valentines Day this year, was by far the most special one yet. Not only was it my Mom's birthday, but I got to take my beautiful girl, diabolic_fey out for a most delicious dinner down in Port Jefferson at a swanky place called Paces We both ordered the Filet Mignon, and it was yumma yum yum! We talked over some drinks, wine, and excellently prepared taters of different makes. We got all dressed up, Nancy looked particularly gorgeous that evening, I was so proud to have her at my side. Afterward we came back to the house for some christmas lit fun in the ...

Hey, so anway, it was fantastic, and next year will be even better, I've already got a rabbit or two up my sleeve.

( lookie for Valentine's Day goodness )

Question: How do you know when it's time to Rock n Roll?

Answer: When you decide to pack your shit, grab your lovely girlfriend, and escape out to Indio, California at Empire Polo Field for the Coachella Festival!!! http://www.coachella.com/

I mean C'mon, Depeche Mode, Daft Punk, Sigur Ros, Damian Marley, Common, Atmosphere, My Morning Jacket, Ladytron, Animal Collective, Cat Power, Lyrics Born, Deerhoof, She Wants Revenge, Massive Attack, Bloc Party, Scissor Sisters, Paul Oakenfold, Mogwai, Coheed & Cambria, Sleater-Kinney, Wolf Parade, Digable Planets, Coldcut, Matisyahu, Go! Team, many many many many many more with new bands being added each week, and .............................
Tool as the finale!!!!! New Tool, in the Palm Springs Dessert, in California, in less than 3 months, before the official release of the new album; due to hit some time in the first two weeks of May this year! Can you say, stick your hand in your pants and do the do?!?! I think you can!!

So holy fuck, this is where we're going to be staying ... http://www.dhsspa.com. Yesterday, I reserved the Mountain View King Style Room on the Top Floor. More than likely we will end up taking a jaunt out to L.A. but we may not, might just want to chill and take advantage of the Spa facilities. Though, we are definately going to go and chill in Palm Springs the 2nd to last day we are there! Also, as a totally awesome added bonus, we are not going alone! My good friend John Barry (the comedian) and his awesome girlfriend will be joining us on this trip, and staying in the same hotel! It will be nice to have friends along for the wild ride.

I am most excited for this trip, it's one hell of a way to celebrate Nancy and I being together for a year full of fantastic memories, and moving forward into another year of being happy together, getting closer to one another, and celebrating our love of music and eachother. This will also be her 1st TOOL experience! What a way to have your cherry popped, Tool, in the dessert, damn and damn. This will be my 11th time seeing them live, and for those of you who know the music, you realize what a signifigant number that is to me, and the music. I've always wanted to see them out in California, I've dreampt about doing this for over 10 years.

I'm really hoping that my stomach does some leaps and bounds by the time we make it out there. It would be a real shame to not take advantage of the pools and spas and such. The only choice I would have would be to wrap my stomach in celephane, but for the benefit of the other patrons of the hotel, I do not think I will be doing that, it's just not sanitary. It is healing though, I've really made some progress in the past 3 months, more so then I have in over the past 2 years. So I guess I'll just have to really work on it, and work out as well, it would be nice to gain a little bit more weight before I go. It would suck to walk around with a bandage on my tummy while trying to lay out in the sun. If this is the case, I just might end up drawing cool shit on my bandages, so I can at least be handicapped and stylish at the same time. I will probably end up drawing more attention to myself that way, but what the hell.

Yesterday was neat, I went to Binder and Binder. You've seen there commercials on TV before, I'm sure. They are going to do all the work to get me the disability that is owed to me. I won't disclose the amount that is owed to me thus far, but trust me, it's pretty, and it will only be a lot more by the time this actually goes through. Could be that it will be enough to move out with my girl and get a place and kitty cat of our own. He will be named Bat Cat or Anyung hahahaha ... I don't know ... we'll see. After the lawyers office I went to Dave and Busters with my Mom and we played the wheel deal game. We hit the JACKPOT like 7 times, and I got enough tickets to get Need For Speed: Most Wanted for the XBOX 360, not a bad prize for playing some games and having a good time.

Well, I've got more, but this is long enough already. Take care children, stay safe, and don't eat the razor blade candy!

"That look is where boners go to die." - Jon Stewart pertaining to Hilary Clinton's facial expressions during the State of the Union

School Daze

I feel like a fucking moron. Seriously, my Solar System class is already really kicking my ass. I was fine up until we got to the math portion of the course, and there seems to be quite a lot of it. Luckily, I have a friend who is more or less like a human calculator, and was able to even simplify the shit that was goin on. We'll see what happens, it does not bode well for me though, I suck at math, period. You ask me to write you a 15 page paper on whatever, that's no problem, ask me to convert Alpha 1.3800 with the speed of light and solve for X ... no fucking clue. Eh, I have all intentions of studying, and going over the practice quizes online, after that, if it doesn't happen for me, I figure it's a lost cause.

Oh yeah, and what's the deal with making writers and English majors go through math classes? Seriously, what do I have to gain by going through a class involving something that I won't use ever in my life after leaving said class? It doesn't make any sense to me, it's like they want you to be confused and suffer just to get that piece of paper which these days, doesn't seem to amount to much. Yeah, let's make literary boy do a shiload of math and really give him something to write about! Fuck you curiculum.

Dirty Local Girl

Being a fairly angry person, and I am ... I pick on a lot of people within my own head and close company for no particular reason. Though, I make fun of myself all the time, so it's all good. Okay, with that said ... what is the deal with the Dirty Local Girl? You know who i'm talking about, it's that girl that you always see coming into the 7-11 or whatever near your house. She's gone her hair tied up in a ratty ass bun, the hairs ripped out into several sad strands haging limp around some dirty scrunchie. She looks like she hasn't sleep in years, her voice when she asks for her Newports is raspy and manish. She's wearing some worn out Pooh Corner sweatshirt with Tigger or Eeyore on it, (i love both characters, but they have since become the staple of white trash) she's also wearing awful clash defining pajama pants that round out her chunky ass. Usually they have those mad bulldoggy jowel lines and that blown up from sinuses rain drop looking nose. They are usually driving some old beat up muscle car of their boyfriends who is probably a mechanic or does landscaping.

Living in Shirley, I see these girls all the time ... they scare me, and I would never want them to prepare any kind of food for me.

Yay, Birthday fun!

My birthday was a good time this year :)
I got to chill with all my close friends and celebrate, got some really awesome gifts (and due to one of the coolest ones I might very well be speaking some Japanese soon, nancy got me the Instant Immersion Japanese ver 2.0!) It's something I"d been wanting to do for a really long time, not that I'm back in school I can get my head in the game and focus on learning some new things, it's not good if your brain goes stale from lack of new information.
Here are some pics from the night at Dave and Busters :)

doesn't she look beautiful? and check it out, my face is a bit fuller from the weight i'd gained!)

Me and the Super Mishy (both smashed)
It was a good time had by all!


Booya!!!
I went to go and visit Cheryl today at Ink Alternative ... she rules! It was really cool to spend the majority of the day and evening with her and Ms. Stacey. They are awesome company, and insane tattoo artists!
To see the awesome progression of the piece .. make with the clicking of the link below.
( click here for more awesome pics )
After what was one of the most signifigant phone calls of my life (the one coming back from Ikea when I found out I DID NOT need another open heart surgery (after already having two) with there also being a 70% chance of sudden death (i wasn't too happy about that one) the idea of me getting a heart shaped tattoo of sorts took on new meaning. So of course I looked to the work of Mr. Alex Grey. I'd remembered that there was an incredible design in the Cosmic Christ painting inside the Cosm museum, it was all the way down at the bottom, almost hidden. But I foudn it, and had Cheryl spiff it up. I look at it and it reminds me of how fortunate I am to be alive each and every day.